Post holiday blues and interview questions

I have returned from my wintery holiday in the Lake District and back to my normal lifestyle; in some respects I find this unfortunate as the fresh air, fell climbs and freedom I felt this week was unbelievable. A thoroughly enjoyable experience. Standing at the summit of Helm Crag in the ice and slush while feeling the light fluttering of a snow fall begin was a breathtaking experience for a newbie to the hiking scene. I held my Patagonia fleece close and absorbed the amazing views from all directions sensing that light would be fading soon, and being totally aware that myself and my partner were the only ones upon the summit. It was just the two of us. Until my mobile vibrated from my waterproof jacket alerting me to voicemail, I hadn't realised it had been ringing. As the wind was picking up I left the voicemail, I didn't recognise the mobile numbers that had registered so assumed they were wrong numbers. We hitched our rucksacks and headed across the ridge to Gibson's Knott before heading back to the car, this bit was a pleasant stroll in comparison to the hellish steps at the start of Helm Crag, if you're 5'2" or shorter there are parts where your knees are as high as your chest. After a while, this is incredibly painful!







The wander back down resulted in many a slip, jelly legs and much giggling. It was worth it, even if the reward was a handful of beautiful photographs, aching almost cramping legs and freezing fingertips. Getting back to the car I tentatively removed my Asolo boots and replaced them with my old faithful DC shoes and checked my voicemail. To find a HR message with regards to the support worker role I was interviewed for requesting details for the CRB and health check; and congratulating me on getting the mental health support worker role! That's right readers, I got the job I was interviewed for mid-holiday, surprisingly.



The interview was on the wednesday, I left the Lakes and drove the hour and a bit journey to the medium security rehab unit with anxiety butterflies eating away at my stomach. The unit is set back from the road, surrounded by beautiful greenery with a small tarmac road winding it's way to the visitors car park. I found the perfect parking space and made my way to the security booth to be greeted by a young security guard. He smiled while signing me in and explained the route I needed to take before passing through a visitors pass which I attached to my suit jacket pocket before setting off through the booth to the secure side of the fence. The unit appeared quite welcoming as I followed the directions to the department I was to be interviewed at. The building looked pristine from the outside, and extremely clinical on the inside. I booked into reception and sat next to a suited young man, we got talking about the role and what we expected the role to be like. He was the interviewee before me, and the person to replace him in the chair next to me was incredibly sour faced; she didn't even acknowledge that anyone was in the same room as her.



The interviewer called me through and requested I hand over the alcohol gel I carry and mobile phone, these were subsequently locked away. Considering I was allowed to keep my keys on me this raised an eyebrow from me. I then followed the interviewer (who turned out to be the manager of the unit) to the interview room, plenty of light was coming through the windows in the corridor which reflected off the white clinical walls in a blinding glare. The room was half way down this corridor just before the main wing of the unit; the door clicked open to reveal my second interviewer (who was the head nurse), she gave a welcoming smile and then apologised for not appearing bubblier but their coffee break had been ditched in favour of a very talkative interviewee earlier on in the day. I smiled back, shook hands with her and placed myself in the interview chair (was a little bit gutted it wasn't like the Mastermind chair). I'm not going to reveal my answers but to aid those going for support worker interviews here are some of the questions I was asked;



- What have you been doing with your life for the past two years (work based and socially)?

- What traits and attributes would you bring to this job should you gain it?

- What hobbies do you have that are interchangable?

- Based on your personality, what could you use as a role model?

- How would you diffuse an aggressive situation?

- Do you believe in rehabilitation?

- In the past two years, explain a time you changed work protocol for the better?



The only question I asked my interviewers was why I was considered for the role when I didn't meet the essential criteria? (As this surprised me). The interviewers explained that my varied life was intriguing to them, this wasn't just in my work life, but also my social life. As my lack of life experience was the main reason I was rejected from a doctoral programme interview a few years back this answer was amazing! It did make me think about how much I have changed since leaving university, and made me seriously think about where all this will progress to. I headed back to the rest of my holiday with many a career thought rushing through my mind.

Holiday

Striding Edge near Helvellyn

Well, tonight is going to be a bit of a hectic one as I'm meant to be packing ready for my holiday to the fabulous lake district, which starts tomorrow after work, instead I'm procrastinating on here and Twitter. Oh dear. I'll be away for a whole week and a half so I won't be able to update until I return, I can imagine the withdrawal symptoms kicking in after a matter of hours rather than days! I also suspect we're going to experience snow again, especially as my car had a sprinkling of it this morning.....which may affect the amount of hiking and climbing I'll be doing.

If I don't end up with hypothermia then I'll be back posting on here a week on monday! Take care peeps!

Tough Love

When I was writing my blog post on Monday I also came across a heart string pulling article regarding a husband's decision to have his wife sectioned because of her struggle with Bipolar Disorder;

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8511478.stm

Bipolar disorder (also known as Manic-Depressive Disorder, or Bipolar Affective Disorder) is clinically classified as a mood disorder and characterised by a mixture of abnormally elevated moods, referred to as Mania (which may also lead to delusions and hallucinations), and depressive episodes, of which the sufferer will see as "normal". Dependant on the individual these may alternate (rapid cycling) or they may be separated by spates of "normal" moods. According to Mind approximately 1-2% of the general population is diagnosed with Bipolar; there is no statistical difference between male and female numbers, and it usually affects those in their 20s-30s.

This disorder has been separated into subcategories and thus Bipolar is also classified as a spectrum disorder; Bipolar I, Bipolar II, Cyclothymia, or Mixed States. The diagnosis is dependant upon the mania, hypomania and depressive episodes experienced by the sufferer. Angst, J., et al (1978) created a system by which to classify a person within the spectrum;
M : Severe Mania
D : Severe Depression (unipolar depression)
m : Less Severe Mania (hypomania)
d : Less Severe Depression
Therefore, MD would mean the person experiences severe mania followed by severe depression, mD less severe mania (hypomania) followed by severe depression (unipolar depression), etc.

According to the NHS the symptoms of Bipolar disorder are thus;
Mania;
The manic (high) phase of bipolar disorder usually follows 2-4 periods of depression and may include:
feeling very happy, elated, or euphoric (overjoyed),
talking very quickly,
feeling full of energy,
feeling full of self-importance,
feeling full of ‘great’ new ideas and having ‘important’ plans,
being easily distracted,
being easily irritated, or agitated,
being delusional, having hallucinations, and disturbed, or illogical thinking,
not feeling like sleeping,
not eating, and
doing pleasurable things which often have disastrous consequences, such as spending large sums of money on expensive and, sometimes, unaffordable, items.

Depressive Episode;
During a period of depression (low phase) your symptoms may include:
feeling sad and hopeless,
lacking in energy,
difficulty concentrating and remembering things,
a loss of interest in everyday activities,
feelings of emptiness or worthlessness,
feelings of guilt and despair,
feeling pessimistic about everything,
self-doubt,
being delusional, having hallucinations, and disturbed, or illogical thinking,
lack of appetite,
difficulty sleeping and waking up early, and
suicidal thoughts.

There is no definite answer to what causes this disorder; life events, genetics, sleep disturbance and problems with the endocrine system have all been suggested as being possible factors. As with many psychiatric disorders, much more research is required (which I hope to be part of one day!).

Treatment of Bipolar Disorder can take various forms (it depends on what the psychiatrist in charge of the case feels is best), there is no cure as of yet so treatment is symptomatic/management based. Medication wise the drug of choice for rapid cycling Bipolar Disorder more often than not are mood stabilisers such as Lithium; Lithium Carbonate or Lithium Citrate, or Carbamazepine, Semisodium Valproate or Lamotrigine (these three are also anti-convulsants). These are used as long term treatment. Some antipsychotic drugs such as Olanzapine, Quetiapine, Aripiprazole, Haloperidol, Chlorpromazine and Risperidone are also used as treatment of manic episodes. These can be taken at the same time as the mood stabilisers, but are usually short term. To aid in the prevention of relapse a number of Psychotherapeutic/"talking" therapies may be undertaken with the assistance of a psychologist; the most favourable being Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), this can basically challenge negative thoughts, feelings and behaviours and aid in creating a positive interpretation of them. Hospital Admission is an extreme treatment, but for those incredibly distressed it may be the only "safe" option, it is something they can seek out themselves, or may be compulsory due to sectioning under the Mental Health Act 1983.

The article is an incredibly interesting read, and even gives the option of listening to it on iplayer.It gives a unique insight to how such a disorder affects a relationship, and how diagnoses have changed in recent years. "Fresh air" is no longer classed as appropriate treatment for mental health disorder!

Fronto-Temporal Dementia

I was on my break today when I came across this news article relating to Fronto-Temporal Dementia;

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8513110.stm

Fronto-temporal dementia is a term that relates to many different types of dementia, for example; Pick's Disease/PiD, and is also associated with Motor Neurone Disease. These are all caused by damage to the frontal and/or temporal lobes of the brain.

The Frontal lobe (conscious thought/mood changes) reaches "full maturity" in it's 20's, this is due to increased levels of myelin. Poorly myelinated connections in this part of the brain has been associated with young adult Schizophrenia (Arthur Toga). It is also known to have the highest number of dopamine-sensitive neurons (neurotransmitter and neurohormone), a depletion of which is generally found in Parkinson's disease and Autism. The Temporal lobe (Smell/sound/processing of complex stimuli) is associated with long-term memory due to the Hippocampus (located in the medial-temporal lobes), and auditory processing through the Wernicke's area which is linked to Broca's area in the Frontal lobe (inferior frontal gyrus).

Fronto-temporal dementia is a rare form of dementia which is found to be more prevalent in males, particularly those under 65 years of age. This form of dementia is a little bit surreal as far as the definition of dementia goes as many people merely associate it with memory loss, this condition changes a person's whole persona without harming memories. The Cambridge team in the news report found a mutation on chromosome 7 which could affect the protein gene coding.

Finding a gene mutation which causes Fronto-temporal dementia opens so many doors; identifying those at higher risk, prevention, a cure perhaps. A cure for diseases associated with this one even. Exciting news! Also gave me chance to research a bit of it, hence the highlighted parts of this - and please, if anyone reads this that is more clued up and wishes to enlighten me on this then drop me a comment or email!

Next step

I arranged my Support Worker interview with the NHS Foundation Trust HR department for next week; which is excellent news because I have an interview (woop!), but also horrendous news because I'm on holiday hiking that week! Which means I need to leave my holiday half way through, attend the one hour interview and multiple tests, and then return to it. Which is quite the round trip! Thankfully I'm still in the UK otherwise the interview would have been totally out of the question, which would have been awful because this support post looks almost perfect. If you consider working in a medium secure unit for people with extremely challenging behaviours to be perfect. It's the ABI rehabilitation that intrigues me the most, experience of this aspect of human behaviour would stand me in good stead for when I study for my MSc Neuroscience. I only briefly covered this in Biopsychology and neuropsychology when a BSc Psychology student, it's what kept me interested enough to complete the qualification, even though we based our studies more on Alzheimer's, Autism, Parkinson's and Huntington's. Our lecturer was quite a delightfully cynical being who would inform us at 9am lectures whether or not he had been "lucky" the night before, as this would dictate his mood. Judging by the green sweat stains and constant dishevelled look he had, he never got lucky. He was, however, a very intelligent person, and his passion for neurological illnesses was contagious. Forget social psychology, forget developmental psychology, biopsychology was where it was at.

Somehow, 3 years after completing my BSc degree, my neuro- based textbooks are still on my bookshelf. As though their importance had never left them. All through my NVQ Veterinary Nursing qualification I thrived on radiography, MRI scans, neurological examinations and neurological illnesses/diagnoses, even though they were animal based. I found myself getting better at establishing cervical spondylomyelopathy (CSM) on radiographs (even though I was unable to formally diagnose). I also began to find working as a veterinary nurse tedious, I craved working more with neurological cases rather than kennel cleaning and anaesthesia for routine operations. I do tire easily, but for some reason I always go back to human neurology/neuropsychology. I never seem to tire of that. There are daily breakthroughs concerning the diseases/illnesses, steps closer to cures, and even now new parts of the brain structure being discovered. We are still finding what makes us tick, what constitutes our consciousness, our morals, our memories, our interpretation of our world. I want to be a part of that discovery.

Cancer

The dreaded c-word, it stops you in your tracks, it chills you to your very soul. You forget to breathe. In my case, I've watched this monster destroy so many people, I've seen it eat them body, heart and soul. Body battling for it's very existance against something it could never anticipate an invasion from, heart and soul trying so hard not to give up any hope they had.

Tonight I lost another person to this. She was told her cancer was terminal, and terminal it was. It managed to take her from this world within a month of being diagnosed. She'll now rest alongside her husband, robbed many years ago by the same disease.

We need to keep fighting, to find a cure for this monster.

LD SW interview

There was nothing today that should have triggered my foul mood, I really must have gotten out of bed on the wrong side......considering that side faces a wall I would expect nothing less. Alas, I was in a total stinker of a mood, and nothing seemed to be shifting it. The I-Pod was set to Lostprophets, Aiden, 30 Seconds to Mars, Placebo and Alice Cooper, as I set about dismantling more computers and servers, and debating with the new boss about retaining old motherboards to sell as future stock. Personally, I wouldn't. We're (or rather I'm) in the process of setting up a new business selling old, new and refurbished computers, laptops and accessories. The reason I'm in is to prepare the online store for the next IT technician, which for an ex-veterinary nurse is quite an interesting side step. With the post being near home it also means my Masters degree fund is feeling a bit happier, which in turn stops me from thoroughly panicking.

The degree is due to start in September, and I will be studying the dreading MSc Neuroscience at a Top ten UK university (which I will reveal when I start there!). I'm feeling worried about it already, whether I'm intelligent enough to cope with a course that intense, will I financially be ok, etc. All things I can't really change.....well, except the financial situation, I am trying to improve my standing there, but working as an IT technician isn't really paying that well. Which is why when my email inbox stated there was an message waiting from the NHS with regards to a well paid support worker post in learning disabilities and rehabilitation I couldn't help but smile. It's the interview I've been waiting for! This post is literally 15 minutes from home, more pay, interesting role within a learning disabilities unit....perfect! The only problem, I'm on holiday when the interview date is....d'oh! It is half way through the holiday too, they don't do things by half do they? So I'm having to plan a trip from my holiday,to the interview, back to the holiday. Unpleasant. I deserve the job just for the amount of faff I'm going to have to go through just to make the interview.

Really I should be trying to stay positive about it all, it will be another 9-5pm job! Which I'm getting used to, the veterinary nursing job stole my weekends and an evening a week too for working oncall....without pay. It really was a waste of two years. Having this time back has been a total treat! .....though I spend most of it on Twitter. Oooops. There is no way I'm going back to a job that requires me working stupid hours, for a complete nobstick, for no pay.

Wow, I grew a spine all of a sudden.

Amygdala

Since I started working as a trainee IT technician I find myself spending more and more time online, sometimes researching the work I've been given, alot of the time catching up with other things...such as my mini ebay empire, twitter, etc. Facebook however, is a big no-no, it bores me with all the farmville crap that people keep sending me; no I don't want a virtual pig, or lost lamb, or to help you with your imaginary field. I suppose because I don't play it, I don't really understand the addiction people feel with it.

Anyway, speaking of addiction I came across this article;

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8504605.stm

It remarked upon the case studies involving two individuals with damage their Amygdalae; the amygdalae are related to emotional processing and memory of emotional reaction, therefore damage to this region of the brain results in problems with emotional reaction. In the case of the news report damage to the amygdala resulted in the patients exhibiting "loss aversion" (inability to avoid a choice that may result in a loss), it stopped them from feeling fear when making a bet.

It does make for an interesting read!

I hurt

I've had a rather productive weekend; since leaving the veterinary field (a week tomorrow) I decided to overhaul my life. I started that thursday with clearing the rubbish out of my life; I ended up with about eight bin liners of random paperwork, clothes I never wear, books I never read, magazines teaching me how to be a size 0 and general junk. The books, DVDs and CDs that were in decent knick I decided to ebay for rock climbing money, the rest were thrown in the relevant recycling bins at the local skip. I found it difficult to fathom how I ended up with so much clutter and reasoned it must have just come about out of boredom, why else would I read Heat or Grazia? All those magazines made me realise was that I wasn't as scrawny as Posh or Angelina or whoever the other flavour of the week was, my hair wasn't as gorgeous as Cheryl Cole's, and that I had a J-Lo booty. I didn't need to spend nearly £4 per magazine to realise this. I refuse to spend any more money of that trash, it just causes a confidence crisis and a pile up of rubbish that I won't clear out for another six months.

With everything cleared out, and ebay stocked up I decided to hit the gym just as the Birmingham v Wolves match kicked off. I haven't been to the gym in such a long time that I checked how busy it was through the window as I walked from the car park to the front door. I dislike the windows being positioned facing the main road, people stop and stare while on their journey through town. It didn't look too busy, a few people on the bikes and one on the treadmill. Sighing I reluctantly checked into the reception and made my way to the changing rooms, the floor drenched in chlorine filled water from the swimming pool. Really there should be separate changing areas for those swimming and those doing "dry" sports. I grabbed the nearest cubicle and quickly changed into my two sizes too big running clothes; I've never felt particularly comfortable in clothing that shows my actual size off when working out. I adjusted my uncomfortable sports bra, grabbed my disgusting vitamin C infused water and headed to the gym, automatically hitting the treadmill. More than anything, this was to see how much work I needed to do for the 10k run. I passed the warm up and started at what I thought was my old pace, it felt like I hadn't stopped running. Feet pounding the treadmill, headphones blaring Sky Sports news into my ears letting me know that Wolves had scored, this wasn't good news for my beloved team being so close to the drop zone themselves. I silently begged for Birmingham to score to equal up, and carried on running. I tried to blot out those around me, tried not to focus on anything on the tv attached to the treadmill because that just makes me a bit sickly, and tried to focus on the tree in the distance (the only advantage to the windows being there).

Thirty minutes in and I realised I couldn't feel my left leg, this was surely a bad thing. It was still evidently working though, and cardiac wise I was fine. It was an extremely surreal experience. I felt the first pang of cramp in my stomach and knew I couldn't go much further. I pushed for half a mile more, then a further half a mile. Reaching three miles I felt sick and faint, I'd pushed as much as I could in this session and decided to cool down. Giving my head chance to clear. I couldn't help but smile; three miles wasn't as bad as I was expecting, doubling that will mean I'll be ok for the run. I have three months to up todays run, a mile a month, shouldn't be a problem if my motivation will keep up. Motivation is where most of my issues lie. Once I'd done the cool down I added a few weights to my tally then headed home, sweating and exhausted. Getting home I braced myself for an extremely cold shower to wash away the start of cramps, then settled in to watch Birmingham win 2-1. A good day, a very good day. My beloved team stayed above relegation!

New Project

Say hello to my new project;

http://www.greatrun.org/Events/Event.aspx?id=4&link=Coverflow

Yes, you have seen that right, the Manchester 10k run. The entry is now closed, and I have confirmation that my lazy ass is expected to run 10k! There are 10,000 people running, and I will be running that just before my 25th Birthday. What an excellent way to reach for my quarter life crisis. I have chosen to run for Alzheimer's research, in honour of one of my favourite writers; Terry Pratchett. The last time I ran was last in a 5k, for Breast Cancer Research (Race for Life) last year. I was exhausted, it took me and my running partner 45 minutes start to finish, and I was so sore I was nearly sick upon crossing the line.....my supportive boyfriend cheering me while eating his body weight in burgers. Where he probably will be when I hit the Manchester Run too, but I love the fact he's still there cheering me on. Even though he thinks I'm a little on the crazy side "running for fun".

The only problem is that I can't even run to the shop at the end of the street anymore, I'm totally unfit. I even have a bit of a belly going on now that's replacing my six pack. I used to run 3 nights a week, and rock climbing twice a week. I do nothing but watch shit tv at the moment, so now I have a total mountain to climb in this 10k run! Wish me luck people!

Alcohol

The door chimed as another customer wandered in through the shop door, I dragged my attention from the Dell laptop I was formatting and traipsed into the front. "Good morning", I chirped out of habit before looking at the gentleman standing there. He was clean shaven, clean looking, perfectly ironed clothing, glistening teeth....and as he said "hello stranger" I remembered to breathe. This isn't a tale of romance, there is no crush here. There is only bewilderment, I was surprised to see him. Alive. "James?" I murmured. It must have been 14 months or so since I last saw him, and I was sure it would be the last. He was once skeletal, dark circles inhabited his eyes, urine soaked his trousers, hair matted, shaking gait, slurred speech, drenched in a horrendous sweat and alcohol smell.
"I haven't had a drink in about 12mths" he said, no slurring of his words, a huge smile plastering his face, pure pride in his voice.
"It suits you", I smiled back.
He told of the alcoholism, the longing for another drop of beer to pass his lips. The desire to live in a world he considered better than his reality, but knowing that the world he was experiencing was more surreal than Alice's trip to wonderland snapped him out of it. Waking in the night to hallucinations trying to stab him, seeing rats and giant spiders scattered around the can covered floor. He didn't eat, and didn't know what hunger was. He knew the closing times of all the local off licences, knew where all the cheapest beer was located. All he thought of was his beer craving, and the fact that his neighbours were "poisoning" him. He'd take his kettle to the police station to get water, and to complain about the poison of course.

He ended up losing all he had, and being moved into a rehabilitation centre. He got a lot of support, he suffered withdrawal symptoms, he craved beer. He got through it, he became stronger than he realised he could be. He left rehab, cleaned up (literally), got a new flat, and started on his path to find a career.

He fights daily not to drink, as much as he craves it. He wants to become an alcohol counsellor, to help those just like him. Alcoholics need support out of rehab too, otherwise they're more likely to relapse. Luckily James hasn't yet, I hope he never does. I've seen it destroy so many lives. I drink in moderation, a few pints is my limit and I know it, I haven't been drunk since I was a rebellious teen, and thats the way it will stay.

Alcohol is a frightening thing.

Interview!!!

I'm not used to the ring tone on my new mobile, at first my marshmellowed brain mistook it for my alarm clock. Needless to say I then had to hoist myself out of bed to retrieve my phone from the paperwork covered floor. It was still ringing. It was a number I didn't recognise.....and it was a number my mobile didn't recognise. I squinted my tired eyes at the screen and then pressed the green button. "Hello?" I mumbled, realising how exhausted I sounded. Since leaving the veterinary nursing job I've felt less stressed, I feel more calm, more relaxed, and my sleeping pattern has improved to the point I'm not waking in the night. I'm finding this transition strange. It feels as though I'm starting on the right path, I'm just waiting for the first step. I have no doubts as to what I want for a future career, and at 24 years old it took me longer than I expected to realise it. It also means that taking the 2 years out to study a completely unrelated field is probably going to be of some detriment to my cause. Alas, no doubt my quarter life crisis will spur me on.

"Hello? Is that Loui?" replied a very cheery voice; this managed to snap me out of my cotton wool bubble. I confidently replied "It is, what can I do for you?"
"I am calling from 'insert healthcare agency name here' about your application, I realise it has take me a while to get back to you, but with your resume I was wondering if you were still interested in the role?"
At first I didn't recognise the name of the agency, I have applied for so many care roles recently in an attempt to gain further mental health experience pre-MSc that all the questions and companies begin to blur together. Evidently this was one of the first ones I applied to.
"Yes I'm still interested", my tone was still tinged with exhaustion and accompanied now with confusion as my brain kicked into gear. Processing the name by location and possible time frame, and then it clicked. "Is the job still available? Is it possible to gain further information on the post please?"
The cheery voice giggled and explained the job to me in more detail; mental health support worker, flexible hours, local area to home, working with mental health/learning disabilities/older adult care. My experience of working as a terminal care nursing assistant within the NHS peaked her interest in me; it was a role I'd found extremely difficult, particularly when it came to detaching emotionally. It was surreal getting to know a patient, caring for them, learning so much from them, and then finding them suddenly gone. Obviously it was something you knew was coming, the job description emphasised this, but it still shocked me. I still grieved for people I barely knew.
"So, can I invite you to an interview?" She cheerily enquired, snapping me out of mid-thought and forcing the knee jerk "yes, that would be excellent" remark from me.

So next week I have an interview with a very cheery lady, for a mental health support worker post which promises to be incredibly varied. As I hung up the phone and prepared for my IT technician job I smiled.

Step one.

Restart

Today I was reading back over my old blog posts and realised how much of a royal whinger I am, so thought I'd start over. We're into the second month of 2010, and things have suddenly, and dramatically, changed! I was working as a trainee veterinary nurse in a particularly stifling and horrendously violent situation, and it took me two years to finally crack and walk out. Two years of being racially abused because my white younger sibling is fighting in Afghanistan, two years of hearing that supporting soldiers is basically supporting murderers, and two years of watching a surgeon (who people put their trust in!) beat animals and refuse them pain relief. Two years of being told there's nothing I can do to change things, two years of being told I'm too stupid to even matter, two years of losing confidence......two months to claw my life back from them. I couldn't handle any more abuse, I was mentally and physically exhausted, I gave that place everything I could, and it was worth nothing to them. So I walked. Just grabbed my things and went. Driving home listening to "Times Like These" by the Foos put everything into perspective, I had done the right thing, and now was the time to walk my new path.

The only tie I have left to the practice is that I have my final exam to sit in the coming months, an exam I paid for because my (now ex-)boss doesn't believe in "rewarding stupidity". An exam I failed because the week leading up to it, I was assaulted by the racist surgeon. The ex-boss had to rescue to me, and even now refuses to accept any responsibilty for the lack of support or consequences resulting from these actions. The reason this was never divulged before was that I believed I owed them some sort of loyalty, how wrong I was. I owed them nothing.

I'm back to working in my old faithful role as an IT Technician until something better comes along, something I hope to be back in the Psychology field. I have an unconditional offer on a Masters Course at one of the UK's Top Ten Universities which I plan to accept this week, and a job interview to attend next week for a mental health support worker role which I'm quite looking forward to. It's scary how quickly things have changed, but jumping ship as quickly as I have done is definitely for the better. Let's see how things go.....and I promise to be quite cheery when possible!